


Beach Episode

by HealthDrink



Series: Under the Moon-Lit Sky (Pharmercy One-Shots) [5]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: 'xcept GERARD IS THE BOSS, Alternate Universe, Day At The Beach, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hana is God Tier, Headcanon: Akande is a Stress Cook, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Mr and Ms Lacroix, Pharah x Mercy - Freeform, Pharmercy, Sombra is in love with herself here, Talon are like Team Rocket here, implied Pharmercy, rocket angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 23:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11839539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HealthDrink/pseuds/HealthDrink
Summary: The Overwatch crew take a well deserved rest by the beach. [One-Shot]





	Beach Episode

The sun and sea couldn't have been brighter that day. Beautiful waves and smells filled the air, beckoning out goers to bask into the sunlight after a nice, cool swim. If you're used to going to beach regularly, that is.

"Last who reaches the beach is a **NARRRRRRRRC-!!!** "

All youngsters dashed for the sandy beach, even the slightly older ones. 

"Haha! Efi is the narc!"

_"NARC! NARC! NARC!"_

Efi, the great yet tiny engineer, sighed in defeat. "Awww, Orisa! I told you to run faster!" Orisia lowered her head in sadness.

**-01001110 01100001 01110010 01100011 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100111 01101101 00100000 01100001 00100000 01001110 01100001 01110010 01100011 00101110.-**

"No! You are **not** a narc Orisa!"

"Nope," the pink gremlin side walked beside the tiny girl. "You are!"

Orisa laughed against her will.

"Ooooh so _that's_ how things are, eh Orisa?" Efi said this in a light tone. "Well, good luck finding a water proof chip now!"

**-01010111 01100001 01101001 01110100 00100001 00100000 01000011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00100000 01000101 01101100 01100110 01101001 00100001 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100100 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101101 01100101 01100001 01101110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100001!!!-**

A Russian weightlifting champion shook her head at the display. " _Omnics_."

The older members grouped together, enjoying the view and atmosphere.

"This was a great idea, Jack," Ana Amari, former Second in Command in Overwatch, looked around in a happy mood. "You couldn't have chosen a better place."

"Hmm." The Commander wasn't a man of many words.

"Yeah! The resort looks great, the pool looks great-"

"Rein, that's for kids."

"-the _sea_ looks great, **look** there's a **sau** na too! We shall go and _ex_ **hort** ourselves from any negative pressure **whatsoever**! To keep o **ur** bodies _healthy_!"

"That is a great idea," Zenyatta, the floating robot agreed, a little sadness shone in his voice. "Too bad not all of us can enjoy these facilities..."

"You can always use the sun to charge up your solar panels in peace and quiet." Zenyatta made a little spin out of happiness.

"Oooh, that's an even better thought. Thank you, dear Winston, always kind."

"You can always borrow my sun glass, Master," Genji offered to his master and best friend. "I tell you, you'll get plenty of Vitamin D in no time!"

Angela had to whisper towards the cybornetic ninja to remind him. "But... but... _Genji_. You're..."

"Shhhh, Doctor. I know what you mean. Just don't tell Master that, do me a favour. It makes him happy."

"My pleasure Zenyatta," the sentient gorilla turned towards the local doctor. "How about you? Are you going to finally relax by the beach like the rest of us?"

"Me?"

Doctor Ziegler smiled nervously.

"Of _course_ I am, Winston. Why I was counting down the days from my calendar. We're going to have _so much fun, yes._ "

Fareeha, the younger Amari of the two, gave a look of concern towards the doctor, before tugging her sleeveless shirt down for comfort.

"That's the spirit!" Winston did not catch the look of panic on Angela on time. "Now, where are the-"

**_"GERONOMOOOOOOOO~"_ **

**_"YEEEEEEE-HAWWWWW!"_ **

**_"This way, to fame and glory-!"_ **

**_"Are you not entertaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiineeeeed-!"_ **

**_"Lena, what the fuuuuuuuuu-??!"_ **

A battle cry resembling the one from D-Day shook the beach apart. For a few seconds.

**\- SPLASH -**

"...others."

Lena, Hana and the rest jumped into the sea haphazardly as if it wasn't a giant sheet of ice, temperature wise.

"Ah, to be young again," Ana smiled, gazing at the younger OW members having a good time. "I envy them sometimes."

"Hmm." Jack agreed.

"Oh hey, there's the others! Oi! Sombra, Amelie! Over heeeeeere, loves-!!"

* * *

After applying much needed sunscreen, Angela looked around her.

Reinhardt, Torbjorn and the Commander opted for the sauna.

The poor woman shuddered. They did NOT know how the Swede loved to dress up in this weather... 

Genji, Zenyatta and Satya were all enjoying the sun using their respective sun glass.

The others were either by the bar, or swimming happily in the sea. The doctor made a promise to herself, so, no alcohol first. Still, it has been **so** long since she visited a sandy beach...

A low hum distracted Angela. Ana was relaxing by the beach, sitting down comfortably on a sunbed. Apparently reading a book called...

The Prince of Thorns? 

Why was Angela expecting something _far worse_?

"Ah... _Jorg,_ " Ana smiled as if her late husband was sitting next to her. "You can come conquer my kingdom _any day you like_."

As she let out a girly sigh, the poor, traumatised doctor fast walked towards the beach.

_I DID NOT HEAR THAT. I DID **NOT** JUST HEAR THAT-!!_

As she walked over a sand covered Orisa and Lucio (so sorry, excuse me) Angela stopped at the edge of the sandy beach. 

Took a deep breath...

And stayed where she was, the sea waves delicately nibbling her feet.

* * *

A few Overwatch members strayed towards the open bar.

"Come on, 'Reha, take a plunge! I'm telling you it's really nice and cool. Totally worth it in this heat."

"Hmm."

The samurai looked towards the tanned cowboy, not allowing the distraction of noting the colour red suited him. 

"Let her be, Jesse. Perhaps she is shy."

"Hanz, she's **thirty two**. I think she should've skipped the whole 'self-conscious' stepping stone thing by now."

Fareeha stopped drinking the cocktail. "I'm right here, you know." Sandwiched right inbetween two BAMFS.

(Who happened to be _really_ into each other.)

"Well, what is the point of coming here if you're not going to swim? Even just a little?"

"I can take a cool shower."

"There's the hotel room for that."

"I can beat Hana at Air Hockey and Competitive Pac-Man."

"Whilst that **IS** impressive, that is an indoors thing, darl."

"I can beat Efi in making the best Sand Castle on the beach."

"You can. But that's not why you are _here_ , right 'Reha?"

Fareeha resumed drinking her mojito. Hanzo spared a glance at the direction Jesse was leering towards with a toothy grin. "Oooh, I see now."

Fareeha slammed her palms onto the wooden bar opening, causing many liqueurs (and innocent drinkers) to panic at the vibrations. " **JESSE-!** "

"Nothing! I said nothing."

Fareeha huffed, folding her bionic arms angrily.

"Look. Angela always keeps an eye on me on the battlefield. I know she hasn't visited a beach for awhile." She looked towards the doctor, a wistful expression followed. "I just want to repay the favour somehow. Even in little ways..." The Helix security guard resumed drinking through the provided crazy straw, ears clearly changing into a deep shade of red, as the two bearded men started making hooting noises.

Yes.

Even Hanzo.

* * *

"Look at me everyone!"

All Overwatch members who were swimming looked up towards Lena. She was on a yellow noodle. "I'm Zenyatta." Dead serious, Lena made an absolute zen pose.

" _I can fly."_

Hana Song was happily floating in her pink themed doughnut. 

_When she saw it._

"Is that..." she rubbed her eyes, clearly not believing what she was seeing. 

A sombrero? Floating onto the sea?

All by itself?

A few seagulls were roosting against a rock's surface.

They all had to fly away in panic, as a pink Ferrari shifted into first gear, dashing and splashing its way towards the abandoned hat.

"MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! **MINE-!!** "

She lifted her newly acquired hat in triumph, mentally playing the Legend of Zelda's item finding song.

_**\- ta ta ta daaaa -** _

"Huzzah! Now I am on the beach with _finesse_ ," she wore the hat. "And _style_ -!"

A Mexican submarine rose from the depths of the sea, removing the lime green snorkling pipe from her mouth. "Hands off my landmark, pequeño."

Hana reacted like any normal human being seeing something come out of the sea like the monster of the lake.

_**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH----!!!"**   _

She swam away as if she had just spotted a shark.

"What on earth's wrong with her? Must be her time of the month." Sea droplets invaded Sombra's sight. "Que-?" As a Frenchwoman made a fantastic hair flip whilst surfacing from the sea.

You can swear hearing the accordion cover of the Lambada being played in the background.

"Do you **always** have to be so _dramatic_."

Amelie avoided the obvious statement. "How many?"

"Que?"

"How many 'ave you found Sombra. Non chéaténg. Ai went to see ze amount of photos. And **SHOW ME ZE DATE ZIS TIME**."

Sombra proudly displayed her water proof, bright yellow smartphone. "Thirty five different starfish! Try beating that, Mortisia~!"

A lovely smile started forming on the Widow's face.

**"No."**

"Thirtay _sevén_ , cherie."

Sombra did NOT join the game to end dead last. "Fuck! I hope Gerry hasn't-"

A handsome, pencil shaped moustached gentelman emerged from the sea, removing his bright blue goggles whilst having a pearly white smile. "Hon hon hon~" He raised his smartphone triumphantly, twirling his 'stache. "Le fairtay~"

You might as well told Sombra she got the pink slip. " _Impossiburu_ -!!"

"WHAT LE ACTUAL **FUCK,** Gerard." 

"Ahaha **ha**! Ai 'ave beaten you again, mon amour! Fair and square, as alwais."

"Wait. **Wait**. Wait a sec."

Both French compatriots stared towards the hacker.

"Apart from the fact that you _really_ need to stop talking like your mouths are filled with baguettes all the time-"

Amelie huffed, Gerard shook his head. "I'd call you a raceest if ai actual-lee caiaiyaired."

"-if you guys are _here_ , and Gabe is over _there_ ," Sombra pointed towards the beach. "Who's taking care of HQ right now?"

* * *

**Talon HQ**

"So pleased to **finally** meet you, Mr Akande."

The buff, very tall man was seated where the boss usually sits, stared down at the three young ladies seated in front of him. "My pleasure. More tea?" As the one in the middle nodded, Akande poured some more into her cup. The blonde ninja next to the quiet leader of the trio stared down back.

"As you were saying before I showed up to the meeting, Talon needs funds in order to continue operation," the spectacled consilere conveniently recapped what they had just discussed prior. "No, no, that won't be necessary," gesturing towards her empty tea cup. "I drank something on my way here."

"As you wish." Akande played the porcelain teapot back in it's place, a very pretty white and purple tea cosy. "Now, I believe we have business to discuss...?"

The brown haired girl lifted her hand out of respect. "My friends call me Margot," she fixed her falling glasses. "You... can call me M."

Akande took the tiny hand, shaking it a little. "A pleasure, madam."

The blonde one made a guillotine hand gesture towards the former prisoner. "If you're going to make a move like that, you'd better show me what you can do." Akande brought out a plastic apple from the fruit bowl, placing it in front of the ninja. She slowly pulled the samurai sword, making a prayer with one hand out.

Put the sword back into its place.

And the apple snapped into two.

Akande rubbed his chin a little. "Impressive."

The black haired boss clapped her hands in glee. Then Margot gave one hell of a glare, reminding her who's _supposed to be_ boss. After stroking the stuffed, pink haired unicorn beside her, she lifted her porcelain cup. "I am **sure** we can reach a compromise, Mister Akande."

He lifted his own with the augmented arm, the cup looking tiny compared to the rest of him. "I'm sure we will, Ms Gru. With all of you."

**\- clink -**

* * *

**N. Sanity Beach**

"Akandé eez on a vairy impairtent assignmont fair us. Plus, 'e 'as ze kitchen all to 'imself."

"Ohoohohohhohohho~" Sombra couldn't help but let out her famous laugh. "Does that mean we will find many baked goods back home?"

"Indeed. Now, ai bélieve we need to start round deux."

"Fuck yeah we do. Hey, Amel-"

She was gone.

"Eh? Queen of the baguettes? Where are you-?"

"Downstairs." The fabulous boss of Talon waved towards a lost Mexican. "Au reviour, cherie~"

Oh no. Sombra was not going to lose to the friggin' Curie spouses.

_"Sobre mi cuerpo muerto de mierda-!!"_

Removing her green lit sombrero, the Mexcian submarine plunged back into the sea.

* * *

_Oh boy._

_Oh boy it's freezing._

_Oh boy it's freezing cold._

_Oh boy the pebbles are sinking. **And tickling her feet all over.**_

"Ii. Aaaa. Ooo-oooh-!"

No. Angela will **not** give up. She made a promise. She **will** have a swim in this sandy beach after so lo-

One big, white horse completely engulfed the poor doctor without giving her a chance. "Bluurrrweeeeeegh-!!"

**\- splash -**

And like magic, she was gone!

**II**

Wait. Hold on a sec. Need to flip the pages a bit... that's not what's written on the script.

_Oh oh._

**I >**

"Hey... Fareeha? I think your girlfriend's gone."

"Haha, _hilarious_."

" **Gotcha!** You don't deny it-!"

"FFFF-funny Jesse! Very fucking funny!"

"No. He's serious, Fareeha. I think Angela's sinking." Hanzo said that this time.

Fareeha stared towards the beach. Nothing. Everyone was chilling. The gremlin was patrolling ~~_they hatin'_~~ Commander and Reinhardt looked traumatised, Angela's hand was in the air, Lena was speedboating-

_ANGELA'S HAND WAS IN THE AIR-_

**"ANGELA-!!!"**

Jesse gave Fareeha a noodle whilst she ran to save the doctor's life.

_"ThankyouJesseAngelaImcominghangon-!!"_

The reason why Fareeha didn't like swimming was a very simple one.

And Jesse was right. Fareeha _was_ self conscious.

"I'm already on my way Far, no need to play the hero with-"

There was no way Reyes could've stop the blue themed truck, as she **finally** removed her shirt.

Many fainting noises emerged from the beach's bar, as Jesse and Hanzo pointed towards the Egyptian in laughter.

"Fine. Suit yourself."

* * *

One particular doctor was deep underwater, arms folded in a manner to scold mother nature.

_Okay. **What** just happened._

One moment she was slowly walking towards the water.

Another it pretty much engulfed her.

Maybe the beaches just **hated** Angela. This **ALWAYS** happens...

Oh.

The bubbles keep going in one direction. That is curious. It felt like the way upwards was in front of her. But the doctor had the feeling she should follow the air bubbles' direction, which followed the stream behind the corner of her head.

It was the right decision.

* * *

As the poor doctor gasped for air, a sight to behold appeared in front of her.

It was Fareeha. With a pony tail. (Gasp, was that blue ribbon the same one Angela gave her years ago?)

And daisy dukes. With a two piece bathing suit.

And...

**AND.**

Oh. Twelve pack. Mystery solved.

_This. This is how I dieeeeeee..._

"Angela! Grab onto this!"

The doctor grabbed onto the nearest object like a koala. " **Jawohl**!"

"N-not me!! _The_ _noodle!_ "

At that moment, Lena passed by the useless gay idiots™ with her speedboat.

**\- NEEEEEEEEE - YAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM -**

"GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOM~"

* * *

"Okay everyone! Let's play Tug-O-War!" After half an hour of fun (and Fareeha taking care of a very happy Angela) all OW members looked at Efi oddly. "The side who loses will have to clean up afterwards!"

For there was a BBQ planned in the evening. "Made by yours truly, the Barbie masters!" Junkrat and Mei brofisted each other.

"Team Steam, at your service!"

That made everyone rush into postion, like a battle was about to start.

"Girls on one side, boys on another!"

"Hey! That's not fair! Jesse should be on our side!"

"That's right! You're one of us Jesse! **_KOMM HIERHER_**."

The ladies started chanting ONE OF US, as the gentlemen complained they'd have too much of an advantage.

"Darléngs, mon wife eez on la othair sidé. They'll **alwais** 'ave an adventaje."

As if to prove his point, Madame Lacroix blew a kiss towards the Talon leader, making him almost let go of the precious rope. "See?"

"Why did you leave Doomfist behind-??"

Gabriel wanted to negotiate, hating to lose this. "If you take Jesse, we'll take Zarya!"

After whispers from the ladies side, their leader (Ana) spoke. "Deal!"

As the trade-off happened, Jesse came beside his adoptive sister and mother. "Alright. Let's do this."

The guys chanted victory before they even started.

"One chance, guys and gals. _Ready_..."

Efi blew her whistle.

* * *

"...And you'd be Hamgela, and you'd be Fabeefa..." Hana was trying to make as many food themed nicknames for OW as possible. "You'd be Winston Sauce, you'd be Ana Pie, you'd be Lenmonade..."

Everyone was enjoying the quiet evening, food and drinks being service by the barbecue conductors.

"NAM! This is delicious! What's it made of?"

"Aaaah, Hana, I cannot reveal my secrets," Mei smiled towards the Korean teenager. "But if you really wanna know..."

After a few whispers, Hana looked at the food with more hunger in her eyes. "MOAR. **FEED ME**." She was every cook's dream, that young lady.

"Can't believe we're the ones who're gonna clean this mess up..." Torbjorn complained loudly. "And of course the barbecue people don't count..." As if on cue, Fawkes and Mei started making funny faces towards the angry IKEA gnome from behind. Lucio, Genji and Zarya could barely keep themselves from laughing.

"Come on. Live and let live, Lind. After all, that's what I and the Commander did."

After a **huge** amount of Bleach intake.

* * *

**A few hours earlier...**

Jack and Reinhardt started at each other intensely, both placing pegs squarely on their noses.

"Together, old friend?"

"Hmm."

* * *

 "After what?"

**"NOTHING WHATSOEVER."**

"Hmm." Jack agreed.

**\- beep beep -**

"Oh?" Gerard checked his phone.

_Mission accomplished. Funds acquired._

A picture of Akande showing off a delicious (and BIG) pie tart, complete with a striped, black and white apron with the words _FREE THE COOK_ on it, followed the message. "Ooooh Sombraaa? Gabe? Mon lit-tell _coccinélle_ ~? Ai think you might wént to see zis..."

As the mating cry of the Sombra echoed loudly, Reinhardt needed something romantic to get horrible, sweaty images of the afternoon out of his head. He went towards his first (and only) love, raising his hand to get her attention. 

Despite age not being kind to the older Amari, as far as Reinhardt was concerned, her beauty alone could turn any kind of grapefruit into mulled wine with just one look. Clearing his throat, Reinhardt started singing:

" _Romagna mia~~~♫"_

Ana smiled towards her second love, as she continued the song, much to the audience's loud cheering and encouragement.

" _Romagna in fiore~~♫"_

"Mom. **Please**. Stop."

Both Overwatch members grabbed each other's hands, and went for a slow waltz on the beach. Overwatch assemble approved, of course.

" _Tu sei la stella_

  _T_ _u sei l'amore~~~♫"_

Reinhardt twirled the best sniper on the team (apologises Ameile) as she had an uncharacteristic blush on her cheeks. Taking advantage of the younger Amari's embarrassment, Sombra grabbed the loose guitar and started backing the two with notes and backing vocals. 

Everyone joined Overwatch's second most favourite ship however possible, as Lena held an invited bright haired guest close to her, singing her head off despite not knowing a single word in Italian.

" _Quando ti penso_

  _Vorrei tornare~~~♫"_

"Allah.  **Kill me now.** "

"Oh come on Fareeha. They're cute."

Angela smiled, staring towards the blushing Egyptian. _Maybe we'll be like that when we grow old..._

_"Dalla mia bella~~♫_

_al casolare~~♫"_

Reyes had to ask the question nagging him the whole day. "Why was **I**  on lifeguard duty??" 

_-fin_

**Author's Note:**

> Torb is a mankini dude. Let that sink in.
> 
> Set in an AU where Talon are still the bad guys, but are on OW's side + Gabe never became Reaper. But is still the grumpy dude that everyone secretly loves to bug. The Gru Sisters™ cameo is sponsored by the summer heat!
> 
> (Was there or was there not any tea in Akande's pretty pot? You decide~!)
> 
> Also: the bubble trick. It actually works. It can save lives, especially if the drowning person is disorientated.
> 
> Hope you all like this one! :-3
> 
> Hamgela and Fabeefa are ™'s of designateddriver. I just had to include them somehow. XD
> 
> Songs for reference:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phwHB8nASOo (Lambada French style)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ_3DBCO6tE (Romagna Mia - a really old, Italian summer-y song)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FirFc1azLw4 (What I heard in my head when I wrote the Akande scene)


End file.
